A Very Just War

by Karen Balice-Gregory

I have a newly discovered niche and it has nothing to do with a specific talent, particular hobby, interest, or even my age, ethnicity, religion or politics. It has to do with the hand that I have been dealt in the parenting/grand parenting card game of life. It may be referred to as Roulette, Craps, or Poker

but it's all just gambling. You invest time, money, emotion, blood, sweat and tears and if you're lucky your return is multiplied. Every choice is a risk and every move has the potential to make or break you with varying degrees of advance or retreat mentality. I am the mother of sons. My mother was the mother of daughters (with one son thrown in for good measure.) Generally speaking there is less drama and more physicality with boys. They go about their lives taking the good with the bad without becoming emotionally enmeshed in the journey itself. From my perspective the goal has always been to drive home the importance of the role in life that they will eventually take on. They will have to define that path as they go taking into consideration what they learned (good, bad and ugly) from their parents and all the people around them that made them who they are.

This week our family welcomed a brand new member. He is the first born of my second born son. He joins his two male cousins and once again (so far anyway) the boys rule. As the day unfolded I knew what my immediate role was...get my daughter-in-laws family to the hospital from the airport. Both boys married women from out of state...one from each coast. If there is anything that a new mother wants when she is giving birth, it's family...her family...the people she loves and trusts the most to share her wobbly steps into this casino of life called parenting. There is a fine line that we (mothers of sons) must walk while trying to comfort and assure our daughters-in-law that everything will be fine; being a mother (as scary and theoretically impossible as it sounds) will become second nature. My two “girls” have sisters. They worried they may not know how to mother boys. I, on the other hand, looked forward to boys after growing up with 4 sisters. They wonder how they will fare not having their real families here helping them along the way. There were times I wished that mine would keep their distance. How do boys think? What do they want? What do they need? How do I relate? I remind them that their fathers set sail in that very same boat when they had daughters and somehow they weathered the consistently turbulent waters (or should I say storms?)

I may be on the periphery because my sons don't actually give birth to the babies but by now much of my job is done anyway. Just as I considered my children guilty until proven innocent, I also hold my sons feet to the fire when it comes to their wives. Once they married, their wives became my daughters. There has been no distinction and in fact I most often lean the girls way when push comes to shove. After all, I know my sons too well but I still rely on equal instincts when it comes to being parents. I would like to think that my reactions would be the same if I had daughters but I'll never know. I'm grateful and proud that the fathers of my grandchildren appreciate that they are equally responsible regardless of their children's sex, tempers, talents, and intelligence because every single child deserves the same things in live...love, encouragement, guidance, consistency, and a peaceful environment. Unfortunately they learned the hard way due to some peaks and valleys that I was not capable of anticipating but hard way is better than no way.

Welcome baby Kavaun Balice Gregory. I'm happy you waited for your family from the West Coast to get here. I'm comforted that your mom had them here to share the great experience and that you could immediately bond with these beautiful people. You have the best of all worlds right now and believe me, I'll do everything I can to keep it that way. Finding my niche is only half the battle...hanging in there to fight the good fight (leaning your way too often I suspect) is the only “just” war in sight.