Gratitude

by Karen Balice-Gregory

As our families evolve and we become grandparents and great aunts and uncles we begin to realize that nothing can really stay the same. It would be nice if everyone could gather at the same place and time and experience the holidays together “like they used to be” but that just isn't realistic.

All of our children eventually marry, move away or both and traditions must be adjusted to take into consideration the needs and wants of all the extended family members. Sooner or later the young adults want to begin their own customs in their own homes or they compromise with the in-laws trying to split their time between two families ... sometimes many miles away. Throw in divorce, step-parents and siblings and before you know it everyone is spread pretty thin trying to get together with everyone.

A day (or week) of relaxation and celebration becomes a mad dash to get from here to there not only on time but in one piece. You can't wrap gifts before traveling by air for obvious reasons and trying to keep children occupied and quiet for any kind of trip can be exhausting. This holiday season will be one of many transitions but we are all thankful that we still manage to make it work.

People celebrate Thanksgiving many different ways. For many of us there will be family time of one sort or another. We will gather together, eat too much, laugh a lot, commiserate about the economy, and reflect on the past and who and what got us here. With our second generation ranging in age from 16 to 37 there are varied levels of participation, enthusiasm and boredom.

Third generation is comprised of children 10 and under. They will all have fun never noticing any adjustments in food, time, day or anything else for that matter because time is a relative term that they are not too familiar with. They don't have much of a past to dwell on and future to them means later. For the most part they live in the “here and now” ... somewhat of a forgotten art. Instead of worrying about what will happen tomorrow, or next week or next year they are still pretty much in the “play” mode making things up as they go along.

The more that I get into “grandmothering” the more I appreciate the gifts that children offer us. My 3-year-old grandson has recently become quite enamored with his imaginary friends. Most of them have jumped from the television set into his world but he has suddenly discovered that he can gather them together in a moment's notice or send them away when he's tired of them. He rescues them, plays games with them, orders them around and even disciplines them.

His little brother is easily entertained by it all, laughing out loud as he formulates a plan to join in once he becomes more mobile. Our newest addition, the 2-month-old, is just coming into his own. He's smiling more, sleeping better (sort of) and has already become a master manipulator of us all. All three of them definitely keep me busy playing, pretending and remembering how important imagination is.

They'll grow up soon enough and begin to notice how “uncool” I really am so I'd better take advantage of their youthful interpretation of fun. Happy Thanksgiving to you and to all your imaginary friends (and relatives for that matter.)

Birthdays this week!

Happy Birthday KK and Mike!
I hope you both had/have happy days!

Family -- feel free to send me reminders when birthdays, anniversaries, etc. are coming up, along with funny stories and anecdotes about those people. :)

What do you say to the new administration?

Jason Gaylor, one of Dan's friends from Springfield, MO, is part of a design collective there called Departika. He asked Dan to loan some music to an installation piece they did in the lobby of their studios this week where people wrote a message to the new president on the wall. They filmed the whole event and cut the video in time lapse to an instrumental version of Dan's song "Heart of a Dog." I think it's pretty cool.

Check it out HERE.

A real bargain

by Karen Balice-Gregory

Veterans Day has come and gone ... the sales are over ... for some an extra day off work ... but many of us probably spent little time on the significance of it.

If you have a family member or a friend in the Armed Services you are living proof of the sacrifices, and if you have lost a family member or friend in any war you are sensitive to the perils and aftermath. Even though we enjoy the freedoms that we have because of those who have fought and are still fighting, we often forget or take it for granted.

We see it on the news every day. We read about it in the paper. We have access to just about every detail of war or conflict happening in the world but it's difficult to grasp the enormity of the ramifications, let alone feel as if we can do anything about it. The cost alone in terms of lives lost or maimed (physically, mentally, emotionally and morally) coupled with the enormous amount of money borrowed and spent is mind boggling. We try to understand the premise of war and our country keeps committing to bringing about peace in the world by engaging in it, but there appears to be no end in sight for winning this battle for Human Rights.

We Baby Boomers have grown up in the midst of parents and grandparents who survived or fought in wars before many of us were born. Many of our friends, family and classmates were drafted in the 70's to fight in Viet Nam.

I remember quite clearly the day that we huddled around our televisions when the numbers were drawn dictating who had an unlucky birth date and who might be spared. There was a mad dash at the time to join the National Guard or Reserve, apply for a deferment or just prepare for the worst. People thinking about getting married, having children, going to school or starting a career felt pressure to either escalate or deescalate their plans. Protesters were fueling the fires and patriotism at the time was being questioned if not totally redefined. The 60's revolution harbored a “peace baby” mentality that evolved into a panic situation stirring riots and fostering mandates that confused, agitated and motivated the masses on all sides.

Personally, I went through many stages of acknowledgment, ambivalence, appreciation and grief that would last for decades. I saw death though the eyes of a classmate who's brother returned in a casket displayed at the local funeral home under a plastic bubble due to the prevailing fear that even a corpse might spread disease among us. I sent packages to a friend fighting in the jungle and greeted him at my door when he returned to thank my father for his support during a wartime predicament.

It has taken many years for the snapshots in my head of those times to catch up with the reality of the pain and loss that people in the military endure. PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is how experts eventually described the chaos that takes place in persons brain when they engage in war or something like it, but so far no one has figured out how to alleviate it.

Our Veterans, who have given the most for our freedom, are still fighting for the respect they deserve when it comes to getting the best equipment, training, and supplies as well as superior care and treatment upon their return. Their families should be recognized for fostering the strength of their loved ones as well as supporting them against painful odds.

Celebrating Veterans Day goes way beyond making it a Federal Holiday, having a parade in their honor or, last and least, claiming a department store sale has anything to do with any war except the ones fought for the best bargain. Now that I think of it, I guess there is a correlation between bargain basement shopping and Veterans Day.

Our country has received a literal “bang for our buck” over the years. We continue to have citizens who step up to the plate and give and give and give without expecting much in return. Our respect, gratitude and support is a small price to pay especially given the fact that our Veterans are ultimately picking up the tab. Thanks for a job well done.

Coffee Mug Chocolate Cake!

Sorry for the lack of posts. I've been extremely busy getting ready for the craft fair this weekend -- and I can't wait to see some of you!

In the meantime, I thought I would share a little experiment Claire and I did last night. Even if you don't have kids (or grandkids!) around, it took about 2 minutes, so give it a shot!

A friend e-mailed this recipe to me and I knew it was something Claire would love.

Even though I told her Sally e-mailed me the directions, she said, "You should get a job cooking. You love cooking, right?" After she finally tasted the gooey mess, she said, "Now you really should get a job cooking."

Step 1. Get a large mug and spray it with cooking spray.

Step 2. Measure 4 Tbsp. flour and 9 Tbsp. hot cocoa mix into mug



Step 3. Crack an egg into the mug and mix as best you can.



Step 4. Add 3 Tbsp. water and 3 Tbsp. vegetable oil. Mix thoroughly until all dry ingredients are wet. Be sure to scrape the bottom to get all the flour and cocoa!



(Here we added some marshmallows and mini chocolate chips, but they all melted during the "baking." But, they were still melty and good.)



Step 5. Microwave on high for 3 minutes*. During microwaving, the cylinder of cake will rise out of the mug. As soon as the microwave stops, it will slink back into the cup.



* I looked at it and the top looked all sticky and wet so I thought it wasn't done and put it in for another minute. Four minutes was fine/didn't overcook it, but it still was wet looking after 4 minutes but was thoroughly cooked. I think 3 would have been fine.

Step 6. Turn over cup and tap until the cake falls out onto the plate. It will be extremely hot -- look at the steam! (And the bits of flour I didn't get quite mixed in.)


Step 7. Add any toppings, frosting, etc. you might like. We went for more marshmallows, chocolate chips and some chocolate sauce.





Step 8. Enjoy! Claire (and dad) tell me it was delicious.



Since I don't like chocolate, I decided to make one out of my Ghiradelli white chocolate hot chocolate. Having never had white chocolate cake, I have nothing too compare it to, but it was a pretty good little treat!

Joe takes over Kirsten's spot as the Bennett's favorite Buys

Here are some pics that Kirk and Charlie sent from their trip to Pasadena to hook up with Joe for his birthday!

Joe looks like he's doing great -- hopefully we'll see some more pics from him soon!

Twick o' Tweat!

Jeffrey and Mildred

President Obama!

Changing up traditions...

Well, I think the time has come to change up our traditions. When we started this years ago on Christmas Eve, most people didn’t have jobs that they had to work that late, there were a lot less people whose schedules we had to work around and there weren’t people that had to come from a distance. All of us know that when we say we are starting at a certain time that in reality “Balice time” is usually 1 ½ - 2 hours after that.

I think moving it to December 28 would be the best idea. The 28^th we could have the kids gift exchanges first, let them play and then do the adult gift exchange and eat some good food without having any time constraints. This doesn’t mean that those of us in Ionia on the 24^th can’t get together. It just would mean that we would move our gift exchanges to the Sunday after so everyone could be included and that we would have it at an earlier hour and on a day when hopefully no one has to work.

Therefore, I propose we have Christmas gift exchanges at my house, Sunday, December 28 at 1:00 p.m. (which would mean 2:00 Balice time). I would like to stay mostly with some hors d’oeuvres but I am also going to make some pasta, meat, garlic bread as well. I just ordered my tomatoes from the health food store so I have plenty of time to make the sauce and can it. You can let me know what you would like to contribute.

Even though it is difficult to make some of these changes, I think this will be a win-win situation for all concerned. I have hopefully included everyone on this e-mail.

Chin Up

by Karen Balice-Gregory

I have been trying to divide my time lately between the three grandsons. With them being three and under, there is more for me to learn just in terms of adjustment to their very different personalities. When you factor in the parenting styles as well as locations and schedules it all takes me back to a time when I was constantly juggling while walking a tightrope without a safety net...or so it felt.

Raising children is unpredictable and equally frustrating not just because they are in constant transition but because we all are too. The things that my kids worry about with their children did not even exist when my mother had me or when I had them.

All of my grandchildren have come to know and love the feeling of being put to sleep while laying on the chest of one of their parents. When they are fussy or won't go to sleep on their back or side (new rules prohibit stomach sleeping for babies) they wind up being cuddled by their parents in order for any of them to get some rest. I had to admit to my kids this week that it never occurred to me to do that because I didn't even consider it an option.

No doubt my mother, who had too many babies and toddlers to single out anyone for any given time, just never advised me to do it. In all of my babysitting years there were only a few babies that I couldn't settle down but rocking them very long usually upset their older siblings to the point where I would have to call in reinforcements...my mother. We would try anything not to have to call the parents home from an evening out and generally it worked. It was no big deal to be paid 50 cents an hour to take care of 2, 3, 4 or even 5 children and I couldn't afford to lose the funds that paid for the extras I thought I just had to buy (name brands, make-up that I had to sneak on and off, gas for the car if I had a turn driving it.)

I've been digging out the baby books and even taking a look at my journals lately. From what I can tell I was somewhat frustrated, feeling a little isolated at times and even questioned the fact that I was an adequate mother. Over the years I developed some pretty strange coping skills and must admit that they were far from conventional. There were times when my family seriously questioned my methods but the means seemed to justify the end most of the time.

Fortunately, both of my boys were “easy” babies in terms of getting them to sleep, eating well and generally just going along with the program. They were healthy and rarely got sick except for nasty cases of Chicken Pox and Measles (something our grandchildren are now immunized against.) It doesn't seem to soothe new parents when you tell them that “in some countries babies are born in the bush and the mothers just keep on working in the fields”, but sometimes a sense of humor about these things is all I have left. With Dr. Spock being my only ally and Erma Bombeck shoring up any fear of doing life long damage, I muddled through quite well despite some far fetched rationale.

All of this is not to say that I think my way of raising children was right or even acceptable at times compared to what my children are dealing with. Technology has given them instant access to every answer for every question. There was usually just one standard answer for us: “try anything that works.” I think my kids were well into their teens before I learned from the “experts” that most of what I did was probably harmful and definitely stupid at times.

The scariest blow was coming to the realization that it was too late to fix it. Sometimes I walk on eggshells now not wanting to offend or advise these young parents and admittedly it is often painful to watch them cope with all the stresses of parenthood that in hindsight I seemed to sail through. Truth be told? I get it now after 35 years of parenting. The worry, fear, sleepless nights, frustration and anxiety are just a fraction of time in comparison to the joy and exhilaration that a parent feels in the long run. The trip is long and never ending but getting from there to here is not only an amazing feat, it's a miracle...and I hear that those happen every single day.