Chin Up

by Karen Balice-Gregory

I have been trying to divide my time lately between the three grandsons. With them being three and under, there is more for me to learn just in terms of adjustment to their very different personalities. When you factor in the parenting styles as well as locations and schedules it all takes me back to a time when I was constantly juggling while walking a tightrope without a safety net...or so it felt.

Raising children is unpredictable and equally frustrating not just because they are in constant transition but because we all are too. The things that my kids worry about with their children did not even exist when my mother had me or when I had them.

All of my grandchildren have come to know and love the feeling of being put to sleep while laying on the chest of one of their parents. When they are fussy or won't go to sleep on their back or side (new rules prohibit stomach sleeping for babies) they wind up being cuddled by their parents in order for any of them to get some rest. I had to admit to my kids this week that it never occurred to me to do that because I didn't even consider it an option.

No doubt my mother, who had too many babies and toddlers to single out anyone for any given time, just never advised me to do it. In all of my babysitting years there were only a few babies that I couldn't settle down but rocking them very long usually upset their older siblings to the point where I would have to call in reinforcements...my mother. We would try anything not to have to call the parents home from an evening out and generally it worked. It was no big deal to be paid 50 cents an hour to take care of 2, 3, 4 or even 5 children and I couldn't afford to lose the funds that paid for the extras I thought I just had to buy (name brands, make-up that I had to sneak on and off, gas for the car if I had a turn driving it.)

I've been digging out the baby books and even taking a look at my journals lately. From what I can tell I was somewhat frustrated, feeling a little isolated at times and even questioned the fact that I was an adequate mother. Over the years I developed some pretty strange coping skills and must admit that they were far from conventional. There were times when my family seriously questioned my methods but the means seemed to justify the end most of the time.

Fortunately, both of my boys were “easy” babies in terms of getting them to sleep, eating well and generally just going along with the program. They were healthy and rarely got sick except for nasty cases of Chicken Pox and Measles (something our grandchildren are now immunized against.) It doesn't seem to soothe new parents when you tell them that “in some countries babies are born in the bush and the mothers just keep on working in the fields”, but sometimes a sense of humor about these things is all I have left. With Dr. Spock being my only ally and Erma Bombeck shoring up any fear of doing life long damage, I muddled through quite well despite some far fetched rationale.

All of this is not to say that I think my way of raising children was right or even acceptable at times compared to what my children are dealing with. Technology has given them instant access to every answer for every question. There was usually just one standard answer for us: “try anything that works.” I think my kids were well into their teens before I learned from the “experts” that most of what I did was probably harmful and definitely stupid at times.

The scariest blow was coming to the realization that it was too late to fix it. Sometimes I walk on eggshells now not wanting to offend or advise these young parents and admittedly it is often painful to watch them cope with all the stresses of parenthood that in hindsight I seemed to sail through. Truth be told? I get it now after 35 years of parenting. The worry, fear, sleepless nights, frustration and anxiety are just a fraction of time in comparison to the joy and exhilaration that a parent feels in the long run. The trip is long and never ending but getting from there to here is not only an amazing feat, it's a miracle...and I hear that those happen every single day.